


this moment in time

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Ererievents, Living Together, M/M, Manga only characters mentioned, Top!Levi, bottom!Eren, ereriweek2019, i don't personally consider it angsty but was asked to tag it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-26 10:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20740850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: There's no real reason or logic to explain it. But if Levi has to come up with something, he'd settle for a shrug and a "That's just how life is."It's far neater than explaining about his previous life as "Humanity's Strongest Soldier." So if you can stop laughing, Eren, Levi would really appreciate it.





	1. Scars

**Author's Note:**

> “I have a writer’s block. I can’t write!” I say as I scribble something for [ererievents](https://ererievents.tumblr.com/post/187285135894/announcing-erenlevi-week-2019-you-guys-voted-on) on tumblr. “I have other things I need to work on. ErenxLevi isn’t even my ship! W-what? LevixEren is also accepted? I… T-there’s no time to squeeze in something that looks this fun! I-I can’t possibly… Shoot! It’s already written!” 
> 
> “But Berrie, that’s a tumblr event! Why are you doing it here?” you ask me.
> 
> There’s no good way to answer this. Tears start falling from my eyes. “I-I don’t know,” I choke out.
> 
> “I don’t know.”
> 
> Warning: Modern Day AU. Past trauma. Manga-only characters mentioned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Physical scars no longer exist on these new bodies of theirs. But the emotional ones still linger.

Late.

Levi drums his fingers on the table, starting to feel frustrated.

He unlocks his smartphone, already knowing that there’s no new message. But he checks anyways. 

The last message Eren sent him was twenty minutes ago. It’s Eren cheerfully informing Levi that his last class has finished, so he’ll rush on over to their usual bakery. The distance from Eren’s last class to this very place is only three minutes.

So pray tell Levi, where the hell is Eren?

His favorite drink, black tea with nothing added (“You should try new things! It’s such a waste of this chance of another life and your crazy high income,” Eren’s voice annoyingly tell him in his head every time he orders this. Levi always retorts back that he’s saving that crazy high income to spoil Eren with, but now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t think he ever had this conversation with the real Eren), has long been finished. Eren’s order of now melted frozen mocha and an uneaten slice of sweet potato cake sit almost mockingly across from him.

He glances back down on his smartphone again. 

It takes three minutes to get from Eren’s last class to here. It takes two from Levi’s office. That’s why they picked this place. Because it’s close enough that when Eren alerts Levi that he was done with class, Levi could make his way to the bakery and wait for Eren with their order (black tea for Levi and something sweet for Eren. If Eren is in the mood for something else, he always texts ahead). 

That, and the fact that this place is owned by someone named Mina Carolina. Levi personally has yet to meet this person, but there’s this nostalgic smile on Eren’s face whenever he hears that name. So he figures it’s someone from their previous life. 

The people that Levi met back then somehow all seem to gather around him now. Like they’re all connected through the disgusting tragedy that were those titans that haunts his dreams at time. But no one recalls those nightmarish scenes aside from Eren and Levi. And when he once mentioned it to Hange while drunk, she casually remarked, “That sounds like a comic that Moblit might draw!”

So he figures it’s like that for Eren, too. 

He doesn’t know why the two of them are the only ones who can recall it. Maybe it’s because, out of everyone, they’re the only ones foolish enough to cling onto those horrible nightmares as a way of life? Maybe it’s because the lessons they’ve learned back then, the dear ones they’ve lost back then, were enough to leave scars on their very souls to ever forget?

But it’s because of those very memories that his immediate thought of Eren being late is a sinking fear that he has failed his duty yet again.

Eren, you see, is hope.

He’s the key to the secrets of the world. He’s the one who will save them. He’s the one person in the world who makes the lives that they’ve sacrificed, the lives that Levi had to forsake, all worth it. 

He is Levi’s reason.

Levi’s reason why it’s okay to smear his own name. Levi’s reason why it’s fine to be drenched in blood. Levi's reason why it's fine to soil his hands with crime and torture. Levi’s reason why he’s willing to give up on everything, abandon everyone.

If it means that Eren will be safe. If it means that Eren can continue to smile.

But see, that’s not the world that they live in anymore.

Eren is no more “Humanity’s Last Hope” as Levi is no longer “Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.” 

They are just average people in this average town in this average world. 

Levi does not have a duty to protect Eren. At least, not like he did before. And likewise, Eren is no longer getting kidnapped every other month by every other person who wants to use his powers for their own gains. 

But Levi never let himself forget.

The look in Eren’s eyes as he cried in that tavern under the Reiss Church. The way Eren’s voice shook as he begged to die. The way he looked a second from shattering.

That was because Levi couldn’t protect him.

That was because Levi failed him.

That was because…

His phone beeps with a message. Immediately, he reaches for his phone and unlocks it before it registers that it’s not from Eren.

It’s Petra asking if he needs few more minutes for his break.

And shoot. He forgot. 

He’s currently on break. He should be making his way back. But Eren never showed up. It’s been nearly twenty-three minutes and Eren is nowhere to be seen.

With a soft sigh, he asks Petra to cover for him for a bit longer. He promises to make it up to her and receives a picture of a slice of sweet cake in response. He better not forget to pick one up for her before he leaves the bakery then.

With that taken care of, his thoughts drift back to Eren.

Even if he hadn’t been kidnapped (or attacked by titans or the Military Police or whatever else is the villain of the week), there’s plenty that could’ve happened. For one, it’s possible that he was kidnapped because he’s a good looking guy (Levi doesn’t need his memories of his time in the Underground to let him know exactly just how much people would pay for a pretty face like Eren’s). For another, it’s possible that Mikasa or Armin suddenly decided to take up Eren’s time right now (They may not be childhood friends anymore, but Eren always gives them far too much attention). 

Or.

And look, this is probably not likely, but it’s also possible. And if Levi is going to be listing all the possible things that could’ve happened, he needs to consider this, too.

There was some kind of an accident.

That happens frequently in this world.

Almost as if to make up for the fact that there are no longer any more titans, there are all these accidents that happen now. Plane crash. Car Crash. Accidental arson. Fits of passion that concludes with a corpse.

Accidents.

If a car suddenly hit Eren as he was trying to cross the street…

If a mugger suddenly came after Eren with a knife or, god forbid, a gun…

If-

The door to the bakery opens, and Levi sees the familiar mess of brown hair. Eren’s bright eyes set on him, a sheepish grin on his uninjured face. Eren is breathing hard as if he ran from whatever he was doing. And in his arms is a small bundle of his black sweater he normally wears.

“You’ll never believe what I found!”

No apology. But there’s also no sign of any injury or accident, so Levi is willing to look it over for now.

“Look!” Eren rushes to Levi’s side and shoves the small bundle in Levi’s face.

A small black cat meows.

“This poor little guy was behind a dumpster in the alleyway. I wanted to see if I could find its mom or its owner. But I don’t think it has any.”

“So you completely forgot about our meeting because of this cat?” Levi deadpans.

There’s a small pause before Eren lets out a small squeak. He peers over at Levi’s smartphone that’s on the table and wakes up the screen to check the clock.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Your break is over, isn’t it?” Eren asks, wincing.

There’s that apology that Levi wanted. He finds himself relaxing. Honestly, has he always been this easy of a person? Or is that just something that Eren brings out in him?

“It’s fine. Petra said she’ll cover for me. More importantly, what are you going to do with that cat?”

Eren grins mischievously, and Levi pities whoever is the poor victim of whatever Eren is planning. He’s hoping against hope that it’s not himself.

“Apparently, Reiner is allergic to cats. So I was planning on raising it in secret in the dorms.”

“No,” Levi says firmly. “People’s allergies are not something for you to play pranks with like that.”

Eren’s grin fall into a sullen pout. “It’s Reiner, though. Nothing can kill him. Remember? Both you and Mikasa failed to kill him before.”

“No.”

With a soft sigh, Eren sits down on the chair opposite of Levi. Levi offers to take the cat while Eren eats the cake. The cat’s fur is matted, Levi notes with a frown. They’re going to have to wash this guy and brush its fur intensely. That is, of course, after they take it to the vet to make sure it has all the necessary shots. Wait, didn't Hange mention something in passing about microchips on pets with all necessary information embedded in them? He should probably ask about that when he's at the vet, too.

“Okay, so the dorm is out. I don’t want to drive two hours only for dad to say that pets aren’t allowed at home. Zeke is too busy to take care of a pet right now. Armin mentioned a cat shelter, but I don’t really feel comfortable abandoning this cat so soon after finding it. I did think about giving it to Falco, but you really shouldn’t gift pets. That’s not fair to the animal. Not to mention, if it turns out that Gabi is allergic as well, Falco’ll give me a tongue-lashing.”

Levi follows the list of people while patting the cat.

“What about me?”

Eren shakes his head. “Your apartment doesn’t allow animals. Not to mention you’re always off at work. The cat will be too lonely.”

“Then shall we look for a pet-friendly apartment together?”

Levi reaches for his black tea and tries to take a sip to disguise how nervous he is. He forgot that he drank all of it, though. And now, here he is, awkwardly trying to drink from an empty cup like a fool.

“Are you asking me to live with you?”

Good. Eren understood the true intention behind Levi's question.

“I… wanted to ask after your graduation. But now is a good time as any, isn’t it?”

He forgets yet again that there’s nothing in his cup and tries to take a drink from it again. Damn his habit of trying to hide his nervousness by drinking something. 

But he’s not so nervous that he misses the way Eren’s cheeks go pink. Or the way Eren’s lips curve into a goofy smile. Or the way his own heart warms at the sight.

Levi finds himself smiling into his empty cup.

Even without a verbal confirmation, he feels he knows the answer. 

Their memories of past lives often bring with it trauma of things that are no longer possible. It makes them unreasonably fearful and illogically paranoid. These are the scars left behind by the wounds of their previous lives that would probably never heal.

But without it, their precious time together would be halved.

Even if Levi were to have an eternity to share with Eren, he greedily feels that it’s not enough.

“Then can I make a request?”

Levi quirks a brow. “What’s that?”

“Coffee machine. I know you hate the smell of coffee, but I can’t function without one in the morning.”

“We’ll… figure something out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Petra's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline when she spots the giant box of cake he bought for his officemates.
> 
> "D-did something good happen?" she asks, pretending that nothing is wrong. If it wasn't for how wide her eyes are and how much her eyes keep darting around as if silently conveying her S.O.S., Levi might have believed it.
> 
> As if coming to her rescue, the rest of his former squad gather. Although they're now all co-workers without any rank to distinguish them, Levi can't help but to feel like they always purposefully put a distance between him and the rest of them. He knows that his feelings of fondness of them are all one-sided. These people only know him (barely) as a coworker. But it makes him feel lonely anyways. He wonders if Eren feels like this, too. When Eren meets up with old friends who are no longer close with him, does he also feel alienated and alone?
> 
> "I'm getting a cat," he says. "Anyone know a good apartment place nearby that's pet-friendly?"
> 
> He shares the cake with the rest of the group, even though no one has any place in mind. They all look surprised at him for that, though. Is it that odd of him to share cake when something good happens? But Eren insisted that he take this as an apology for overstaying his break. 
> 
> People are hard to understand, even with his previous life's knowledge to fall back to.
> 
> *
> 
> "Oh, by the way, Levi, here," Eld calls before they leave for the day. He passes a small packet of various apartments nearby.
> 
> "Did you look for these instead of working?"
> 
> Eld winks and gives Levi a pat on the shoulder. "Cats are awesome. I hope yours treat you well."
> 
> *
> 
> "Levi, are you leaving?" Oluo asks. He nudges Petra, who gives him a small glare.
> 
> But then she turns to Levi with a nervous smile. Hesitantly, she holds out a flier.
> 
> "S-since it sounds like you'll be a new cat owner."
> 
> It's a coupon for the nearby pet shop. Levi finds the corners of his lips twitching into a smile.
> 
> "Thanks."
> 
> *
> 
> "Levi!" Gunther greets. He has a packet in his hands, too.
> 
> "Apartments?" Levi guesses.
> 
> Gunther shakes his head. Instead, he silently hands the packet over. It's filled with information on how to take care of a cat.
> 
> "Good luck," Gunther says. 
> 
> *
> 
> When Levi and Eren meet again at the cafe few days later, Levi shares the packets and mentions that his former squad members have felt closer recently. Eren sniggers as he eats his cake.
> 
> "Isn't that because they finally saw how cute you are, Captain?"
> 
> "Don't say disgusting things, brat."
> 
> Eren laughs brightly but doesn't push the topic.
> 
> Because he looks so cute like that, Levi decides to forgive him.


	2. Aftercare/Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past experience says that this is just the beginning of a tragedy. Eren, as always, agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Crappy smut.

Levi bites down on Eren’s neck, eliciting a shuddering gasp. He feels Eren’s body tighten around him. Hot. It’s much too hot, and he feels that he has long lost his sense to reason. But that’s just how things are when he’s with Eren. 

Those pleasure-fogged eyes are all he needs. Those breathless whispers of his name is all he needs. 

Ah, maybe it’s more correct to say that Eren is all he needs.

He releases Eren’s neck to bump noses with Eren. There’s a soft muffled chuckle that dissolves too quickly into moans. And hey, look at this. See how beautiful Eren is with his back arcing and reaching for Levi? See how gorgeously he kisses Levi, softly begging for more between each one? See how perfectly they fit?

That doesn’t mean something as stupid as “they’re fated to be” or “they were meant to be.” 

It means that’s just how long they’ve spent together to know exactly how to be with one another.

It’s a sign of their intertwined lives, both this one and the previous one. From the times when they desperately got each other off behind the castle under the guise of cleaning to a calmer now when they can take as long as they want, as slowly as they want.

As much as they want.

He cums hard into Eren’s warmth, matched just a split-second behind by Eren’s own. They both pant for breath as they slowly come down from the high. Then the world becomes much too cold, much too dreary. 

“Hey, you’re not satisfied with just that, are you?” Levi asks with a leer. He nuzzles against Eren’s neck, already knowing the answer.

“Don’t you have work early in the morning?” comes the teasing remark before Levi feels a soft kiss against his hair.

“Brat.”

“Your brat.”

Levi moves to kiss that smirk on Eren’s face. “Yup, all mine.”

*

Sometimes he sees his previous life in his dreams. It’s not always the bad things. It’s also the small, happy moments he was able to hold in his hands before they all slipped through his fingers. Like when Kenny first took him in and became something akin to a father figure for him. Or the first time he realized that he felt comfortable with Furlan and Isabel. Or the moment he started to think of the Survey Corps as his home. 

Or the moment when Eren’s smile became genuine and Levi found himself breathless at the sight. 

But the thing about happiness is that it’s never eternal.

Kenny left him just as suddenly as he appeared. And when they did see each other again, it was a bittersweet moment of barely exchanging words. 

Furlan and Isabel were gone much too soon. All because he trusted in their ability to survive in a world that was too cruel for their kindness.

The Survey Corps constantly changed. And not always for the best.

And Eren…

He thinks it’s his own bitter thoughts that always wakes him up earlier than his alarm whenever he has these dreams. The feeling like he’s suffocating as everyone and everything he ever held dear disappeared from him.

Staring at Eren’s peaceful sleeping face like this while he waits for his morning alarm is calming.

But the last time Eren was in his arms, he was unable to keep him there. He watched as Eren became jaded almost overnight. The fire in his eyes that Levi loved so much flickered and died. The so-called monster that they unfairly claimed to be "Humanity's Last Hope" crumbled and shattered. It wasn’t just a matter that Levi couldn’t protect Eren. 

It was just… he wasn’t enough to keep Eren happy inside a cage.

Freedom.

Eren used to fight for it time and time again. Levi isn’t sure if Eren’s heart is still strongly aligned for that cause, even in a world as peaceful as this. There are times whenever they hear bits of news of the harshness hidden behind the mask of peace, Eren’s eyes get cold and his entire body stills. At those moments, Levi wonders how long it'll be until he starts seeing Eren on the news. A martyr, a symbol of hope, a leader that fights for a cause that Levi never thinks he'll be able to understand. 

But Eren has yet to run out of Levi’s life.

One day, it’ll happen.

It has to. 

That’s just the kind of person Eren is. 

He’ll become restless in this quiet peace and happiness between the two of them. Despite how calm and domestic Levi has become (how used to this peace that he has gotten), Eren will be smothered by this. This apartment they rented together will soon slowly begin to close in around him. Levi’s arms will become a cage for someone as free-spirited as Eren.

Levi’s love will doubtlessly clip Eren's wings.

When that time comes, Levi wonders if he’ll be able to do it again. 

Look the other way as Eren leaves his side. Understand that he can never, has never, held Eren’s heart like Eren holds his. All he's doing is strangling Eren's yearning for more. 

Eren's eyes have always been on the ocean, you know. An unbelievable goal, a seemingly unrealistic dream. Eren claimed that it was Armin's, but if that was the case, then why did Eren's eyes become so brilliantly bright whenever he spoke of it? If it truly was a dream that he borrowed, then he would have been just like Levi, hollow inside despite having seen so much, achieved so much. 

But Levi back then was a soldier. All he knew was to follow orders without question because he trusted that Erwin (Hange, Eren, whoever, whatever) saw something grander than this corpse-spewed battlefield before them. And now?

Who is Levi now, in this peaceful time?

Levi’s alarm rings, interrupting his thoughts. He tiredly turns it off and stretches. When he moves to roll off the bed, Eren’s arms snake around him.

“Don’t go,” Eren mumbles against Levi’s skin.

“You’re the one who said I have work in the morning, remember?” Levi says lightly. 

He tousles Eren’s hair, messing it up even more. Eren will most definitely be upset when he realizes it when he fully wakes up. But he thinks that Eren will forgive him, because he’s currently leaning into the touch with the softest of content sigh.

“I’ll be back early tonight. Want to get dinner at that new place that opened? Didn’t Sasha promise you a discount?”

Eren makes a muffled sound that’s neither a yes nor a no. Is he still half-asleep? Then Levi better ask again later. Otherwise, Eren will throw a cute fit about Levi never involving him in any decision-making when Levi clearly asked. The cat, too, was lost like that, after all. Eren suggested that they don't return the cat to its owner when the microchip returned with the identification of a young girl named Pieck. But Levi reminded him that she wasn't a Warrior anymore. And that morning, when Levi asked Eren if he wanted to drop the cat off, Eren mumbled like this and Levi assumed no for him. Levi ended up sleeping on the couch for a week after that. They couldn't even properly celebrate moving into this apartment because of it.

“Hey, c’mon. Let go.”

“W-what if… you don’t come back?”

Levi feels himself freeze. He feels like he’s suddenly much too aware of how harsh his breathing is. How loud his blood is rushing in his veins. How embarrassingly deafening his heart is.

“Do… you want me to not come back?” Levi forces out as evenly as his strangled throat would allow.

He feels Eren’s head shake against him. It makes him relax just a tad.

“No, I just… I feel scared. I feel so, so happy with you. I like living with you. I like being with you. But I know what happens at the end of happiness. The other shoes will drop. And everything will go to hell again.”

It’s a little odd to hear his very thoughts be echoed by Eren out loud like this. How long has Eren been thinking such things alone? As long as Levi has been? If Levi had addressed this earlier, would he have been able to quell this fear for the two of them?

Or, more likely, would it have made them both much too aware of how terminal their relationship is?

“This world we live in right now is peaceful. What are you scared of?”

“It’s because it’s so peaceful that I keep worrying. Maybe a beautiful person will come and snatch you away. Someone who doesn’t make you constantly think about the titans and the horrible things that happened… That I did. Maybe a war will break out. Maybe a violent protest will end in a rebellion and a new state. Maybe… Maybe there will be an accident.”

Levi resumes messing up Eren’s hair, making sure to twist some of the strands together so that they’ll be knotted. A small petty revenge for reading Levi’s mind without permission, if you will.

“Yeah, I thought of that, too. Sometimes, thoughts like those are enough to make me want to stop functioning for days.”

Eren peeks up at Levi, allowing Levi full view of his vulnerability. So Levi allows Eren to see it, too. His own fears. His own heart. 

“But what’s that going to do? It’s the same back then as now. The world will continue to go on. We’ve learned more or less to keep going, haven’t we? No matter what kind of terrible things happen, we’ll just roll with the punches and keep going.”

“That sounds exhausting. I’d rather-”

Levi flicks Eren’s forehead before he can finish his thought. 

“Even if we end up being separated, we still have those that are dear to us. Are you saying you’ll throw them all away again?”

Eren finally releases Levi so that he can push himself up to sitting position. Before Levi can make an attempt to escape to get ready for work, Eren puts his arms around Levi’s shoulders. 

“You too. Don’t throw them away.”

Just a little, Levi feels like their shackles have tightened. Instead of comforting each other, he feels like he has shaved away the precious time he has left with Eren.

“I need to get going now,” he says. 

His hands twitch, searching for his usual black tea to hide his discomfort behind.

*

Later in the day, he receives a message from Eren that says, “Let’s go visit Sasha and Nicolo’s new restaurant! She promised me a discount.”

One day, this happiness will end. There’s no doubt of that. 

But there's nothing in the world that says that he and Eren can't enjoy this while it lasts. 

There's nothing that prevents him from cherishing every moment with Eren.

“Sounds great,” he texts back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicolo and Sasha's new restaurant is a dumpster fire. 
> 
> The food is good, don't get Levi wrong. But he never wants to eat here again, even if someone paid him. In the middle of the meal, the kitchen caught on fire. Instead of evacuating the customers like normal people, Sasha just threw a giant slab of meat at it and cooked it (against Nicolo's desperate attempts to stop her, by the way). 
> 
> And yes, the meat tasted great, thank you for asking, but that's not Levi's point! The point is that they should have put the fire out first. Isn't something like this against rules and regulations of having a restaurant? 
> 
> "I don't know, I thought it was exciting," Eren says, sniggering. "Reminds me that despite how peaceful everything is here, there's still something to look forward to."
> 
> "Don't look forward to restaurant kitchens catching on fire," Levi scolds.
> 
> Eren laughs brightly, clearly enjoying their almost encounter with death a little too much. But Levi thinks he understands. Because these kinds of things were normal in their previous life. The almost brushes with death, the just barely escapes from the mouths of titans. Compared to the constant dangers of that life, this life is much too peaceful.
> 
> "But i think this is nice, too."
> 
> Levi glances at Eren, but Eren isn't looking at him. Instead, Eren's eyes are on the sky, squinting to find the dim stars hidden by the city lights. 
> 
> "Ah! A shooting star!" Eren exclaims, pointing.
> 
> To humor him, Levi turns to look. There's the bright red of an airplane flying overhead. A shooting star, huh? 
> 
> "Better make a wish," he jokes.
> 
> With a bright laugh, Eren says, "I wish Levi will buy me ice cream!"
> 
> "Wishes don't come true if you say them out loud, you know." But if Eren wants ice cream, who is Levi to not spoil his lover?
> 
> Eren's laugh sounds a little wistful now. "That's fine. Even if it's not ice cream, I just want to spend more time with you. Eating with you is fun."
> 
> "Is that your cute way of asking me to buy you more food?"
> 
> "You know it!"
> 
> Levi is fully aware that he's spoiling Eren rotten. But he never had a chance to do things like this in his previous life. Things like holding Eren's hand as they walk. Things like buying strange food that they would never have been able to eat before. Things like laughing about mundane things and taking things slow. Things like making dumb wishes.
> 
> _I wish I can treasure you like this until the ends of time._
> 
> Faintly, he wonders if wishes made on airplanes can come true. He's pretty sure they can't, though. 
> 
> He already knows how their story will end.


	3. Giving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which country is three months of living together the mark to let insufferable in-laws come visit?

“It’s been three months since we started living together.”

Levi pauses drinking his tea to glance at Eren. Eren is pretending to be busy on his phone, but he’s really not fooling anyone. What’s making him this nervous that he won’t even look at Levi? Quickly, Levi goes through a list of recent events. Did something happen for him to piss Eren off? But this doesn’t seem like anger. Then what can it possibly be?

“What of it?”

“Zeke said-”

“No.”

Eren finally looks up from his phone with an exasperated scowl. “Can’t you please give him a chance? He’s really a sweet guy.”

That’s easy for Eren to say. Eren wasn’t the one who had to watch everyone get killed by volley of rocks that damned beast threw at them. Eren wasn’t the one who watched time and time again as the ones who decided to pledge everything to follow him were all slaughtered by that damned man. Eren wasn’t the one who had to report to the families why he couldn’t do something as simple as bringing back the emblem of their uniform for them to mourn.

But already, that’s a life that the current Zeke doesn’t recall.

“No.”

Eren stares at him for a second longer before sighing heavily.

“Do you still hate him that much?”

“It’s not hate,” Levi insists. “I don’t care about that man enough to hate him. He’s more like a worm under my feet.”

Because Eren is making that face like he’s better than Levi, he decides to get petty.

“Then why don’t you get along with Reiner?”

Immediately, he knows he touched a sore spot, because Eren snarls.  “I get along with him just fine! Unlike you, I actually hang out with him.”

“Didn’t you push him in the campus pond yesterday?” Levi points out.

At the very least, Eren has the decency to blush and look away. “H-he wanted to… g-go for a swim.”

Levi smirks into his tea as he takes a sip. Eren seems to realize that he’s been defeated, because he slumps in his seat. It makes Levi feel just a tad bit guilty.

“What did that monkey want anyways?” he asks.

Amazing. He tried to do something nice, and Eren is now looking at him suspiciously. See if he ever tries to show humanity to that beast ever again.

“He said he wanted to visit-”

“No.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “Then why’d you ask?”

Oh no. Eren’s now pouting as he pretends to fiddle with his phone again. Then suddenly, he pauses and looks up, his eyes bright with mischief. 

That can only mean one thing.

“No,” he says quickly.

But Eren smiles sickeningly sweetly. “Why don’t we do this? If I can be civil to Reiner for a week, you have to let Zeke visit the apartment.”

Levi doesn’t think that’s fair at all. 

“Make it the Warriors,” he says. “Be civil to all the Warriors for a week.”

“Okay.”

Levi really doesn’t like how quickly Eren agreed to that. Actually, now that he thinks about it, isn’t it possible that Eren thought about this months ahead? So he’s just been waiting for a chance for Levi to lower his guard to spring it up like this?

“Get Armin and Jean to send me reports. They’ll be impartial judges.”

Eren looks way too smug. 

Levi really doesn’t like this.

*

The first report he receives is from Jean when he’s making himself his second cup of tea in the morning. 

It’s a picture of Eren holding the door open for Bertolt, who looks terrified out of his mind. 

When Levi points out the fact that Bertolt looks frightened, he receives, “That’s just how Bertolt is normally. lol.”

*

The second report is again from Jean while Levi is on his lunch break. This time, there’s a series of photos of Eren with various Warriors, seemingly looking like Eren’s being a decent human being.

Except the Warriors all look haunted or terrified in one way shape or form. 

When Levi points this out, he receives, “That’s how they normally are with Eren. lol.”

*

The reports from Jean are just random throughout the day. But it all centers around pictures of Eren with a terrified Warrior. Any questions Levi asks are deflected with “That’s normal. lol.” 

Levi’s starting to feel frustrated.

Then he goes home for the night and when he comes out from a shower, he realizes that he has an email from Armin. It’s a long and super detailed report of everything that Eren has done that day. It makes note of all the time Eren absent-mindedly stretched, scratched his nose, or grinned. It makes note of every single person Eren talked to or brushed past. It's way too much information that makes Levi just a tad bit concerned as to how Armin knew so much detail if he wasn't a stalker. But because all the information revolves around statistical facts about Eren, there's little to no information on whether Eren treated the Warriors civilly. 

Levi’s frustration hits a breaking point.

He ties Eren’s hands to the headboard of the bed with his necktie that night. And with a grin, he teases Eren without letting him cum as revenge.

*

The unhelpful reports continue for the next four days. Since it’s clear that both Armin and Jean completely suck at this, Levi is just a second away from asking for them to stop sending him these. 

Then he comes home to find some random guy standing by his apartment door. And you don’t understand, this guy has a bouquet of flowers in his hands. Is he trying to sell something? Well, Levi supposes he hasn’t bought Eren flowers just because in a while. So he wouldn’t mind taking those flowers off of this guy for a few bucks. But…

Why is he here?

“Who are you?” he asks.

“H-hello,” the guy says with a polite smile. “I’m Marcel Galliard. I… uh… h-heard from Reiner this is where Eren lives.”

… Levi does not like where this is going.

“It is.”

“A-are you a neighbor?”

“No,” Levi says.

The guy looks curious, but doesn’t ask more. “W-well, uh… I-I was actually just building up the courage to ring the doorbell. Haha… P-please feel free to ignore me and go about your day.”

Well, that’s polite enough.

Levi decides to humor Marcel. He ignores the guy to open the door to his apartment.

“H-huh? Y-you uh… have the keys…?” Marcel asks slowly.

“I live here.”

There’s a look in Marcel’s eyes that look a little like his brain might be rebooting. Levi probably shouldn’t play around too much, but something about this guy bothers him.

“A-are you… h-his brother?” Marcel asks, his voice quivering and threatening to take on a higher pitch.

“No.”

“H-his… dad?”

“Hell no.”

“Uncle?”

“No.”

“… Cousin?”

Okay, this is clearly getting no where. 

“I’m Eren’s lover.”

Marcel’s polite smile is frozen on his face as he pales. “H-he has… a lover?”

“Oh? Levi, what are you doing with the door open? Come in or close the door. You’re going to let bugs in,” Eren complains as he comes to the door. He pauses when he spots Marcel and how pale Marcel looks. “Hey Marcel. Uh… you alright? Did Levi do something to you?”

“Don’t blame me. This guy thought I was your dad.”

Eren makes a face. Yeah, exactly. Levi thought so, too.

“I-I’m so sorry! P-please excuse me!”

Then Marcel runs off, clutching tightly to his bouquet. Levi doesn’t really get it, but at least he’s now home. 

He pecks Eren’s lips. “I’m home.”

“Yes, yes. Let’s close the door first.”

*

“What was up with that guy, anyways?” Levi asks as he settles at home.

There’s a small pause before Eren grins like he knows a secret. “Don’t you know? He’s one of the Warriors.”

But Levi has no recollection of anyone that looks like that Marcel guy. Nor does he remember that name “Marcel Galliard.” Then who is this guy?

“Ymir killed him to become the Jaw Titan. So technically, we never met him in our previous life.”

That makes more sense. “Why was he here?”

Eren shrugs. “No clue. That guy’s kinda weird. He’s polite and friendly enough, but the type to never really get close to people, you know?”

There’s a slight pause as if Eren realizes something. He turns back to Levi, his eyes shining in mischief. 

“Hey, maybe he was here to profess his love for me! After all, I was super sweet to the Warriors for the past few days. At this rate, all the Warriors are going to end up at our door with flowers!”

Levi snorts. “If that happens, I’ll invite Zeke over myself.”

*

He shouldn’t have said something that important so casually. 

He never should have said anything like that. 

He stares at the pale-faced Warriors that all have bouquet of flowers in their hands. Even Marcel is here, but he keeps his head down so that he won’t accidentally meet eyes with Levi. The only “Warrior” missing is Zeke, but that can’t really be helped.

It’s so clear that they’ve all been coerced to be here. But at least there’s no infuriating, “This is normal. lol” report or Armin's crazily numerical one.

“F-f-for E-Eren,” Reiner stammers, holding the bouquet out for Levi to take.

“Why are you going along with what Eren is forcing you to do? You can say no,” Levi says.

They actually look surprised to hear that. 

“He’s… not forcing us to do this,” Bertolt manages meekly.

“Yeah, he is,” Porco points out.

Bertolt lets out a soft, “Oh,” and looks down at the ground.

“Rather, we’re doing this in hopes that he’ll go back to his regular self,” Porco continues with a peeved look on his face. “He’s been acting really gross by being nice. It’s creeping me out. No, I don’t want him to buy me the drink I’ve been eyeing since yesterday. No, I don’t want him to lend me his jacket when I’m cold. I liked him when he was argumentative. I liked him when he challenged me. I don't need another Marcel.”

Marcel flinches but still doesn't look up.

“You like him, huh?” Levi growls.

Realizing this potential mine for what it is, Reiner quickly steps in. 

“W-what he means is that we like who Eren was before he did all the… nice and polite things. We would really like for him to return to who he was. So uh… if you would please just take these flowers, it would be super awesome.”

Levi realizes that the flaw of his plan was never the fact that Eren couldn’t be civil to the Warriors. It was the fact that the Warriors wouldn’t be able to handle Eren suddenly being civil to them.

It's a completely different situation between himself and Zeke. It's not that Levi can't be civil to Zeke. It's just that there's a raging hatred that threatens to choke him every time he's reminded of that man. He can't so easily shove this anger aside like Eren can. He can't so easily let go of his previous life as Eren seems to be able to.

From the beginning, this was an unfair deal.

*

Eren looks like a smug cat when Levi comes inside with his armful of flowers from the Warriors. 

“I seem to recall a certain Captain of mine saying he’ll extend his personal invitation to his most hated rival.”

Levi shoots him a look. “You knew this would happen.”

Eren laughs and dodges his accusation. And although Levi figured it’d end like this the minute Eren had no qualms about accepting his condition, he can’t help but to feel bitter at being had.

“Why do you even want to invite that guy anyways?”

“Because the only reason I told him I _had_ to move in with you was to take care of a cat.”

… Huh? 

Levi frowns. “But we returned that cat to Pieck. She, by the way, was just outside with flowers. Remember that?”

Eren’s laughter doesn’t sound so innocent anymore.

“Would you look at that? Looks like we need to get a cat as well!”

Sometimes, Eren comes up with the smartest plans that spin Levi around in circles. Then there are moments like these that make Levi really wonder if Eren is actually smart.

“You know, you could’ve just said that.”

The cute devil dares to kisses Levi on the cheek. “But where’s the fun in that?”

“Hey, make it up to me.”

Eren kisses Levi’s nose. Then his forehead. Then over both of his eyelids. Until finally, he kisses Levi on the mouth. 

Although Levi doesn’t want to break apart this fast, Eren pulls back with a charming grin.

“Don’t I always?”

And like always, Levi gives in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this isn't the proof that Levi loves Eren, he doesn't know what would ever be this clear. 
> 
> Zeke freezes at the entrance of the apartment, staring at Levi in what has to be pure shock. Slowly, he turns to Eren, who just smiles charmingly like there's absolutely nothing wrong with the scene before him.
> 
> "Whua...? E-Eren, i-isn't that...? W-why does that man have cat ears and a collar?" Zeke asks, his voice just a pitch shy from hysteria.
> 
> And although that would be hilarious, the humiliation of wearing cat ears and a collar prevents Levi from gloating as he normally would. Instead, he just glares at the two brothers.
> 
> The cat that they were hoping to adopt ended up getting snatched by some other family and their "we fell in love at first sight" nonsense. Since it would take two to three months to go through yet another process to adopt a cat and stupid Zeke already picked a date to come over, they had no choice. They needed another "cat."
> 
> Levi is of the opinion that they could've just refused to let Zeke come to visit. But Eren refused to see logic.
> 
> "This is my cat, Levi," Eren says.
> 
> It must take Zeke some time for that to register. Because he is frozen to the spot for quite a while. Then suddenly, he turns to his little brother with desperate eyes. He grabs Eren by the shoulders. It takes everything Levi has to not reach for a weapon to cut those damned hands off for touching what's Levi's. 
> 
> "If you wanted a cat, I can be your cat! There's no need for you to live with such a creepy little man! Come home, Eren!"


	4. Time Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, is it that hard to believe in a happy future?”

When Levi wakes up that morning, he immediately realizes that something is wrong, because Eren isn’t in bed next to him. Instead, there’s a smell suspiciously like cooked breakfast drifting into the bedroom. He finds himself bolting out of the bed and to the kitchen.

But the minute he sees that figure standing in the kitchen, he freezes.

Because for just that minute, he believes he’s back in his previous life. That he’s staring at Eren’s back in the kitchen of the castle one last time before Eren disappeared in the middle of the night. That he’s staring at the Eren who is about to leave for his freedom. That he-

“Eren?” he asks, partly in disbelief because until just yesterday, Eren’s hair was short.

It was Levi’s request, as petty as it may be. But as the years pass, Eren begins to look more and more like himself before he left. And Levi… he knows he has to let Eren go. He knows that. Asking Eren to keep his hair short doesn’t actually solve anything, least of all his worries. All he’s doing is delaying the inevitable.

But he hoped-

“Good morning,” Eren says with a yawn. 

He takes the omelette that he just made and places them on a plate for the two to share. There are warmed frozen waffles already set up on the kitchen counter. There’s also tea brewed and no sign of god-awful burnt coffee that Eren always makes.

Tired eyes turns to stare at Levi, possibly to signal that the food is ready to be eaten. Then Eren squints.

“… Did you get shorter?”

“You… how are you…?” Levi covers his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he feels a semblance of control, he turns back to Eren, who is casually eating the waffles. “You’re not my Eren.”

Not-Levi’s-Eren looks up from his waffle. He stares at Levi for a beat longer and says, “No, I’m pretty sure I am.”

“Your hair is too long. My Eren’s hair is short. My Eren just eats the frozen waffle cold unless I thaw it for him. He also can’t function in the morning without his horribly burnt coffee. But you… you made breakfast without any.”

“I mean, there’s a reason why I’m so tired right now, you know? Just wanted to make you food before you went off. Didn’t you say you like eating with me?” Not-Levi’s-Eren says, stifling another yawn.

“No, no. You’re the one who said…  _ My _ Eren is the one who said that to me,” Levi corrects. 

Not-Levi’s-Eren scratches the back of his head, looking mildly irritated. “Hey, have I…  _ your _ Eren graduated?”

“Not yet.”

“Ah,” Not-Levi’s-Eren says, “you guys haven’t had that talk then.”

Belatedly, Levi realizes that there’s something even more pressing glaring at him in the face. 

“Where is my Eren anyways?”

Not-Levi’s-Eren shrugs. “Probably with  _ my _ Levi?”

That pisses Levi off a lot more than he thought it would. But he supposes that makes sense. He has no idea how or why this Not-Levi’s-Eren, who is happily eating the waffle on the kitchen counter, got here. But if this guy is here, then his Eren must be… 

Levi rubs his temples. “This is just like him to get kidnapped.”

“Hey, I haven’t gotten kidnapped once since being reborn,” Not-Levi’s-Eren protests. “Eat your food before it gets cold. You have work today, right?”

“I don’t.”

It’s probably petty of him to feel this smug at the look of frozen pause on Not-Levi’s-Eren’s face.

“You mean I could’ve slept in?” 

Levi nods.

Not-Levi’s-Eren sighs. “That’s the last time I do anything nice for you.”

*

“How did you get here?” Levi asks while eating the waffles. It’s not warm anymore, but since it’s not frozen solid, he’ll take it.

“No clue. I just woke up this morning in that bed with you.”

Isn’t that way too nonchalant? His Eren is probably panicked right now. Maybe he’s tearing up in fear that he might never be able to come back? Levi burns with the thought of being so helpless to protect his Eren. 

“But I’m sure I’ll be where I need to be soon enough. I mean, I was able to graduate normally, so I presume your Eren will, too,” Not-Levi’s-Eren says with a shrug. 

“Are you sure of that?”

Not-Levi’s-Eren stares at Levi with amusement.

“That’s cute.”

“What is?” Levi asks, feeling his temper threatening to flare.

“You don’t normally show that kind of anxiety. Ah, my you. I mean, my Levi.”

Levi frowns. “So we are different then. There is no guarantee that my Eren will return.”

“No, you’re him. My Levi’s just… finally at peace with himself that he doesn’t get that anxious anymore. Though, I guess the same can be said for me.” 

The small grin on Not-Levi’s-Eren looks much too familiar and yet not. The gentle way his eyes look feels the same. The way his expression softens feels the same. But in the same breath, this person in front of Levi screams that he is not Levi’s own. 

Or is that Levi’s own refusal to accept anyone that isn’t his immediate Eren?

“How long have you been together?” Levi asks finally.

“It’s been five years since I graduated.”

Does this constitute as cheating? It might be, especially since he’s asking about things that hasn’t happened for him yet. But he wants to know. How much time does he have before Eren becomes sick and tired of him? How long does he have left?

“Do you still live with your Levi?”

Not-Levi’s-Eren eats a forkful of omelette to give himself an excuse to not talk to Levi right away. He seems to be watching Levi’s reaction carefully, possibly trying to figure out what it is that Levi is struggling with. Then he must have come to a conclusion because he shrugs.

“Does it matter?”

It’s unnerving how Not-Levi’s-Eren stares. Although Levi tries really hard to not feel bothered by what this Eren just said, he’s not sure if he’s being convincing enough. Did his own Eren have piercing a gaze as Not-Levi’s-Eren? He suddenly can’t recall. At the very least, he doesn’t remember being under this kind of scrutiny.

“Yeah, we live together,” Not-Levi’s-Eren says, keeping his attention on his food. “We have two cats. We haven’t moved out of this apartment, but we’ve been discussing a new place to move to. We have a trip planned in two week to the ocean. I am very happy with my Levi.”

Then why does Not-Levi’s-Eren words sound so emotionally detached? If this was Levi’s Eren, he would be almost shaking with excitement as he rattles off things about Levi. He won’t be able to keep a grin off his face. His voice would be too loud and then, as if self-conscious, he’d be much too quiet. He’d be unable to keep himself this calm.

“I see,” Levi says, resigned.

He knows what this means. Five years after Eren’s graduation, huh? He now has a tangible time limit. He should feel relieved. He still has a lot of time left with Eren. Furthermore, he no longer has to worry about waking up in the middle of the night, wondering if it’s now. Is he going to lose Eren today? But what he feels isn’t relief. What he feels is… 

“I changed my mind. You’re not cute,” Not-Levi’s-Eren says. His attention is on Levi again. Those sharp eyes pinning Levi almost accusingly.

Levi rolls his eyes and sips his tea, pretending that he doesn’t care what Not-Levi’s-Eren says. Faintly, he wonders if the future him still has the habit of hiding his feelings behind sipping his tea.

“Hey, is it that hard to believe in a happy future?”

This time it’s Levi’s turn to be distracted with his tea. He can feel Not-Levi’s-Eren tense up in anger. And that. That is familiar. That anger, that scowl. 

How is it that Eren’s anger is the only thing unchanged about him?

“Is it that hard to believe that you can be happy? That it’s okay for you to be happy?”

Levi keeps his eyes glued to his tea. It’s brewed a little stronger than he normally likes it. He wonders if Not-Levi’s-Eren realizes it. That this isn’t how he likes his tea. Or perhaps this is how he will come to like his tea? Just like how he’s slowly but surely starting to get used to the smell of burnt coffee in the morning.

“That’s not it. It’s not a matter about my own happiness.”

“Then what? I can’t read minds. I’ve never been able to read minds. But you always assume shit about me instead of just talking to me. Am I that untrustworthy to you? Hey Levi, have you ever seen me? Not the little brat who was chained to his bed while talking crazy about exterminating titans. But me. The Eren Jaeger of now. The Eren Jaeger of this life.”

Levi opens his mouth but he finds that he doesn’t know what to say. He wordlessly closes it, wishing he was more eloquent than this. Why is it that the only thing he can think of saying right now is a worthless joke about shitting?

“You idiot. Do you really need me to spell it out for you? I-”

“-love you!”

It happens between a blink of Levi’s eyes. In one second, he’s being lectured at by Not-Levi’s-Eren. In the next, Eren ( _ his _ Eren) is standing before him, his eyes wet with tears. When Eren sees Levi, the tears fall.

“A-am I back?” he whispers, voice shaking.

“Y-yeah, you’re… You’re mine, right? My Eren?”

The only answer he gets is an armful of his Eren as Eren cries into Levi’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You’re backwards,” Eren remarks lightly, catching Levi off-guard.
> 
> “What’s that supposed to mean?”
> 
> “You’re supposed to be cuter when you’re younger.” 
> 
> Levi rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry for not being cute.”
> 
> Eren stares at him for a beat longer, looking quite like he’s searching for something. Levi wonders what his past self said or did to make his Eren look this worried. Judging from Small-Eren’s reaction, it sounded like it hasn’t even been a year since the two started living together. But for the life of him, he can’t quite recall what he was like back then. 
> 
> He doesn’t think he’s changed all that much, but perhaps he was different back then? If so, how much different?
> 
> “Did you think my younger self was cuter?” Eren asks.
> 
> Immediately, Levi finds himself thinking of how Small-Eren reached for the wedding band around Levi’s necklace. Small-Eren examined it so carefully that Levi was tempted to joke that it was from someone else. 
> 
> He didn’t, by the way. 
> 
> He’s not that childish to play around with his lover’s younger self like that. Especially not when Small-Eren seems to believe every little thing Levi said about what the future is like (No, but he doesn't think his Eren clings that tightly to his words. Small-Eren's eyes were wide with adoring trust even when Levi talked about flying cars and dinosaurs roaming the land. It was so damned cute that Levi couldn't help but to tease him a lot about that. How did that kind of a cute guy became this gorgeous of a man who likes to hide his childishness behind a cold or tired mask? Wait. Hold up. Don't tell Levi it's his fault?). 
> 
> Levi’s lips twitch. “Well, he was… very passionate.”
> 
> But there’s nothing that prevents hm from teasing his lover now.
> 
> Eren grabs Levi by the necklace and forcibly pulls him closer. Levi turns his head for a kiss, but his brat of a lover bites his lip instead.
> 
> Levi finds it all too lovely.
> 
> "No matter 'when' you are, I will probably love the you with me in the present the most."
> 
> "Take 'probably' out of that."
> 
> *
> 
> “Did my older self do anything to you?” Levi asks.
> 
> Eren stares at Levi for a beat longer. Then he suddenly starts blushing, unable to meet Levi's eyes.
> 
> “N-n-nothing happened! Nothing happened!”
> 
> Suspicious. 
> 
> “Oh? Then I suppose you don’t mind if I check for myself?”


	5. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi’s fine with Eren leaving for a week for a road trip with his friends. He’s fine. He is fine. He is…

“Is it okay for you to stay late to work more?” Petra asks with a worried frown on her face.

“It’s fine,” Levi says. He doesn’t bother glancing up from his paperwork.

“Wouldn’t your cat be worried?” Eld asks.

Levi finally looks up from his work. Cat? Oh. Right. He never told them that that whole mess ended up with him losing that cat. Well, Eren is pretty much a cat, isn't he? Or maybe he's a dog?

“Ah, he won’t be home for a week. So I have some free time.”

He thought that would be all and turns his attention back to his work.

“If you don’t have to go home right away, why don’t we do a karaoke night?” Oluo suggests.

*

Karaoke is loud and annoying.

Levi doesn’t really get the appeal of being in a dark room with bunch of drunkards, yelling into the mic. He can’t really get into the spirit of things, but he tries his best to not be a downer. They went out of their way to invite him, so he doesn’t want to bring the mood down.

It’s just…

Would Eren like something like this? If it was just him and Eren, Levi feels like he wouldn’t mind it as much. He probably still wouldn’t sing unless Eren begged him prettily. But he’d most definitely prefer watching Eren sing silly loves songs for him than these drunkards. 

“You don’t want to sing something?” Eld asks him.

Levi shrugs. “I prefer watching.”

They don’t push him too much, but it’s clear that he dampened the mood. He feels bad, but they’re good sports about it.

“Maybe this just isn’t your scene,” Petra says.

“We’ll find something else.”

*

The next day, he’s forcibly dragged to a bar. 

And yes, he understands that drinking alcohol is a social thing or whatever, but he prefers tea. He has always preferred tea, both in this life and in the previous one. There’s nothing wrong with others drinking, but he personally hate the feeling of lost control when he drinks. In his previous life, that loss of control could too easily become the weakness that got him killed. But in this life, he hates accidentally slipping up and talking about the titans or other details from his previous life.

If Eren was nearby, he could at least have someone to rely on to help cover things up. Or better yet, he could have someone to talk about their lives back then with. Someone who understood. Someone who knows him just as well as he knows himself.

“Not much of a drinker?” Gunther asks with a wince.

“There’s no problem if you want to drink,” Levi assures him.

But it’s clear that he’s dampened the mood again. He tries to convince them to party as much as they want, but they stubborn refuse to drink if Levi doesn’t.

*

On the third day, they all go together to a restaurant for dinner.

It’s not Sasha and Nicolo’s, which Levi is quite grateful for. But the food isn’t as good as that place. What they are good at, it turns out, is brewing tea. The tea that they offer is quite refreshing. Levi makes a small note to bring Eren here later.

And it’s not until they’re almost done eating that it dawns on Levi exactly what is happening.

“Are you guys trying to distract me from going home to an empty apartment?”

The guilty blushes on their faces speak volumes. Levi feels more touched than he thought he would. 

“Thanks,” he says softly. “But you really don’t have to do something like this. I’m fine. It’s just for a week. He’ll be back soon enough.”

Levi has five more years until after Eren graduates. He still has plenty of time. Sure, he feels an itch of wanting to spend every second with Eren. But that’s a sure-fire way to lose more of that time. Eren likes his freedom. Levi has to give him space. 

This is just something he has to be okay with.

The looks on his coworkers’ faces seem to say that they don’t believe him at all. So he decides to pry.

“Why did you think I need something like this anyways?”

“Y-you just… seemed down,” Eld says.

Levi has no idea what he’s talking about. But they all nod along as if Eld said something wise. 

“I’m fine,” he tells them.

They look like they don’t know what else to say, so they all just quietly resume eating.

*

The fourth day is dedicated to going to a fair of some sort. 

Levi finds it tacky, but he’s trying really hard to not ruin the mood this time. He keeps his opinion to himself and tries really hard to encourage his coworkers’ enthusiasm for playing booth games and getting on rides.

He just wish they wouldn’t try to drag him into it.

“Do you not like this either?” Petra asks.

“Sorry. I’m a boring person.”

Petra shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s it. I think you’re refusing to allow yourself to have fun.”

Levi snorts. Why would he do that? This just happens to be something he doesn’t enjoy. Maybe if Eren was here, he’d be able to amuse himself by seeing how happy and excited Eren looks. But fairs, booth games, and rides really aren’t his thing. He’d much rather be at home with a feather duster or a mop.

“This just isn’t my scene. That’s all.”

“Then what is your scene?” Oluo asks as he joins them.

“Cleaning.”

He thought that they would make faces and tease him about it. But instead, they all go quiet in a way that makes Levi uncertain.

*

On the fifth day, they all come over to Levi’s place after work.

“We’ll help you clean!” Oluo declares as he marches into the apartment.

Levi stares at them blankly. “I… don’t think I have enough space for everyone.”

“We can clean different areas then,” Petra says cheerfully.

"Nice cat tree," Gunther mentions, nodding at the one in the living room.

Levi doesn't have the heart to tell him that they don't have a cat to go along with the cat tree. Eren bought the damned thing first thing when they moved in. And two days later, they gave the cat back to Pieck. Sure, they haven't given up on looking for a cat to adopt. But it's just taking some time to find the right one. Just a little, he wonders how his future self managed to find two of them.

His coworkers all brought various cleaning supplies and prepares to help Levi clean the apartment. But seeing them like this with cleaning supplies makes Levi think of a time that will never happen again.

“Aren’t you tired from work?” Levi asks them. “More so than cleaning, why don’t we drink tea? I have some books you can read.”

Within minutes, they’re all lazying about in the living room with various books. It makes Levi’s lips twitch in amusement. Yeah, he thought so. In his previous life, they humored him and cleaned. But there’s no reason for them to do that here. Besides, he highly doubts that they’d be able to match his standards. It’ll be easier for them to quietly sip tea and enjoy each others’ company. 

It's far easier to do this than to ever admit out loud that once upon a time, they all used to clean together like this.

He wonders how Eren is doing. Is the road trip fun? He hasn’t really contacted Levi at all since leaving. Levi bets that Eren either forgot to pack his charger or lost his phone somewhere. That just seems like something Eren would do. It can't be an accident. And even if it is, it can't be a deadly one. They still have five years after Eren's graduation.

Levi walks into the kitchen to brew tea for everyone. 

*

The peace and comfort of his former comrades soothes him far more than he ever imagined it would.

“Thank you,” Levi tells them. “I had a fun week.”

“Was it really fun?” Oluo asks him with a disbelieving look. 

“You… didn’t really looked like you were enjoying yourself,” Petra adds softly.

Levi tilts his head. “I did, though.”

“If you had fun, then I’m glad,” Eld says firmly. He grins. “Maybe we should do something like this more often. It was surprisingly nice and relaxing.”

"Let's," Gunther agrees. 

*

But the weekend is a different matter.

There’s no work for him to use as excuse to not think about Eren. There’s no kind coworkers by his side to suggest new things to try. 

“That’s fine,” he tells himself. “I can clean.”

*

It should have been fine. There’s no reason for him to not be fine. 

He’s doing what he loves. There’s no problem here. There’s no… 

The apartment is too quiet. 

He misses even the softest sighs that denotes that he’s not alone in the room. The quiet footfall of Eren moving around. The soft hums as Eren goes about his day. 

It’s… lonely.

There. He admitted it to himself. He feels lonely.

Is that what his coworkers meant when they said he didn’t look like he was enjoying himself? But he was. He really was.

It’s just…

He misses Eren terribly.

He wishes there was a way to make time go faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren buries his face against Levi’s back. 
> 
> “It was horrible,” he groans. “We got robbed on the first day and were stranded in the middle of nowhere with no idea on what to do. So we walked.”
> 
> Levi knows that it’s horrible of him to feel so glad of Eren’s misfortune, so he does his utmost best to keep Eren from seeing his face.
> 
> “We ended up on a mountain. Did you know that mountain lions eat humans? There were ‘Beware of Mountain Lion’ signs everywhere. Except how are you supposed to beware when you’ll be dead by the time you realize there’s one next to you?”
> 
> “Sounds… rough,” Levi manages out.
> 
> “Comfort me!” Eren demands. “I was so scared!”
> 
> Levi reaches back and ruffles Eren’s hair. “I’m glad you’re home.”
> 
> “Me too. Did you do anything fun while I was gone?”
> 
> “At the very least, I had more fun than you.”
> 
> “You didn’t miss me at all?” Eren whines.
> 
> “Shall I show you how much I missed you?”
> 
> When Levi turns to kiss him, Eren latches on with almost desperation. It seems Levi wasn’t the only one who was lonely. He takes full comfort in the fact.


	6. Isayama’s High School AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can you say for certain that you’d be able to find each other if you didn’t have these memories?”

He’s forgetting something.

There’s a feeling in the back of his mind, constantly nagging at him. He can’t quite put his finger on it. What was it now? What is he forgetting? 

“Sorry Levi, I know you told me to be careful. But the chemicals spilled everywhere, you know? I literally had no choice over my hands!” Hange says with a loud laugh that makes it clear that she doesn’t actually feel sorry.

“If you have that little control over your hands, maybe we should chop it off. Isn’t dissecting your specialty?”

“Haha! You’re such a funny guy! That’s called amputation, not dissection!”

Levi rolls his eyes. “I’ll bring my things over. Keep the kids away from the chemical spill.”

But even when he throws himself back into the daily grind of things, he can’t quite shake off that feeling that he’s forgetting something.

What was it now?

He doesn’t think he’s so old that his memory is starting to fail him. So this has to be just something random. Did he forget to turn off the oven this morning? That would be the worst, actually. If he were to return home to his apartment and the place burned down, he’ll never hear the end of it from…

From? 

That’s funny. 

He lives alone.

Who will he never hear the end of it from? Kenny? His landlord? His old neighbor? Y-yeah. That’s it. That’s what this is.

Why does he feel so unsettled?

*

The nagging feeling that he forgot something continue to bother him as the week passes. He’s starting to feel a little more at ease with this feeling. It’s clearly nothing important, he decides.

If it’s really important, he would have remembered by now.

“Boss, you really have no plans on coming back?” Eld asks.

He’s with his usual gang in the back alleyway, taking a quick cigarette break before they go their separate ways. This is something that Levi indulges his old gang once in a blue moon. It lets him keep an eye on them to make sure they haven’t gotten into too big of a trouble while also giving them a few minutes to relax.

“I like my quiet life right now.”

“You’re too young to retire,” Oluo grumbles.

There’s something about those words that catches Levi. He can’t quite put a finger on it, though. Why does he feel so unsettled? Is it because working as a janitor isn’t really being “retired?” But he already knows what Oluo means by those words. Oluo means “retire from their dark life.” So why does he feel so peeved?

“Boss, is there anyone at the school who looks like they’ll be a good fit for our life?” Gunther asks, grinning to let Levi know that it’s just a joke.

Levi’s lips twitch. “I don’t look at kids much. Just their mess. Who knows?”

*

It’s only because Gunther said such a thing that Levi’s eyes end up watching the students. 

The Queen Bee, surrounded by her admirers. The otaku, bullied by those who believe themselves to be “thug.” The social outcasts. The jocks. The clogs and wheels of a cliched 90’s American high school movie.

Then there’s  _ him. _

An outcast is an outcast, but they still have a tentative ring of friends that they can converse with. But this guy keeps himself completely isolated. With a bored expression on his face, he goes about his life as if in a daze. 

Levi knows boredom.

Rather, he knows what boredom can do to a person.

If absolutely nothing happens, this child will grow up as a bored adult who goes about his life, forever wishing for something more. If this child were to get hooked on something, he could end up in the back alley somewhere, begging desperately for his fix, before he ends up with a bullet to the head. If this child somehow were to get involved in  _ that _ part of the city, he’d most definitely end up addicted to the game of thrill. The exhilaration of almost losing your life, of being chased every which-where, of the rush of victory that can only come when you’ve staked your everything.

This is a child who walks a thin line between Levi’s previous world and the peaceful every day of normality.

That’s all.

That’s why Levi starts watching.

It’s not because his heart feels oddly calm with the knowledge that this child is safe in these halls, bored out of his mind. It’s not because there’s the strangest pull whenever he sees that child staring blankly off into space. It’s not because he worries when he sees that the isolation that child has kept is slowly being shattered by well-meaning people around him.

It’s absolutely none of those things. Because Levi is not a criminal.

Well, not anymore, anyways. Actually, was he ever a criminal? You’re technically not if you never get caught, right? No, no. What he means to say is that he left that kind of life behind. The worst kind of crime he does now is when he smokes on school ground late in the evening and no one else is around.

Yes. 

He is an outstanding and model citizen.

Therefore, his interest in this high school student is purely concern as an adult will have for a small child on their first errand. 

That’s all this is.

*

“Eren.”

Levi now has a name to attach to the young child he’s been so carefully watching over. 

Eren. Eren. Eren.

The feeling that he’s forgotten something returns. But Levi finds it much too easy to push it aside. Because right now, he’s far more interested in seeing how this will turn out.

*

Levi opens the storage closet to his favorite broom away late in the evening when he sees him.

Eren.

The child looks disheveled and a mess, quite like he’s been struggling and crying for some time before Levi finally opened the closet. And right. That’s right. Closets normally only open from the outside. How long has this child been trapped in here, desperate to get out? Faintly, Levi recalls that there's been some childish bickering between Eren and the Queen Bee. Is this just a part of that? 

Slowly, Eren breaths out, shoulder slumping.

Then he bursts into a loud wail, leaving Levi stunned.

Levi recognizes this, though. It’s when you’ve finally been taken out of a dangerous situation and your entire body finally realizes that you’re somewhere safe. Like after a dangerous mission, you finally get home or to your base. All the excitement and adrenaline rushes out of you. You find yourself collapsing, your entire body feeling a bit like limp noodle in relief.

Oh, thank god. You’re going to be okay.

Levi awkwardly pats Eren’s shoulder and waits for Eren to calm down.

*

“I was just panicked because I thought I was going to miss an episode of my favorite anime,” Eren grumbles.

His ears are red, Levi notes. It’s a lie.

… Huh? How does he know that?

The two of them are right outside a convenience store with ice creams in their mouths. Levi didn’t feel right just sending Eren home after being locked in the closet for so long like that. And that somehow ended up with getting cheap ice cream. 

“When does that anime start?” Levi asks.

A light blush is on Eren’s cheeks as he looks away from Levi with a light “Hmph!”

As always, Eren is bad at lying.

… “As always?”

This is their third time interacting. The first being when Eren saw Levi buying cleaning product from his old gang. The second was when Levi tracked Eren down to clear up the misunderstanding of the amazingness of this cleaning powder.

So when did he get to know Eren enough to think “as always?”

“If it’s sometime soon, my place is nearby. You can watch it there. Have you had dinner?”

There’s a look of disgust on Eren’s face. “Pedo.”

“I’m not,” Levi snaps. “I was just worried about a dumb kid who got himself locked in a closet. Or maybe you’d have preferred I left you in there?”

“N-no… T-thank you for getting me out.”

Levi doesn’t like how cowed Eren looks. Eren’s expressions should always be more bold. Even if his anger is misdirected, Levi infinitely prefers the fire burning in Eren’s eyes than…

Huh?

No. Stop. Damn it. Why is he thinking like this? They don’t know each other. They’ve just talked to each other three times now. There’s absolutely nothing between them.

Absolutely…

“So let me help you get out.”

That smile on Eren’s face is familiar. No. That’s not right.

It’s not that it’s familiar.

It’s that it’s Eren’s smile for him.

That soft smile with such gentleness that makes Levi’s heart ache. Because right after that smile-

_ “Levi, I have something I want to tell you.” _

Ah.

That’s right.

That’s what he forgot.

They were in an accident.

*

The heart monitor beeps a steady rhythm. 

According to the nurses, a drunk driver ran the red light while the two of them were trying to cross the street. Eren moved to protect Levi. So although Levi woke up within three days of the accident, Eren is still in this coma-like state. 

It’s been a week since the accident now.

“The danger has passed,” the nurses assured him. “We just need to wait.”

Eren’s family and friends have all stopped by. They all give Levi an uncertain look like they don’t really know how to deal with him. But they don’t try to talk to him or anything, so Levi is content with ignoring them, too.

Levi’s coworkers have stopped by, too.

At first, they were confused because Levi’s assigned room isn’t Eren’s room. But once Levi (hesitantly) told them of the situation, they understood.

“You have a cat with a young lover!” Petra swoons, covering her mouth with her hand as if she just read a heartwarming romance story. 

“He looks like a sturdy and healthy kid. I’m sure he’ll wake up soon,” Gunther says.

“Hey, little brat. Don’t you know how much Levi misses you? Stop throwing your tantrums and get up! Kids these days are so lazy,” Oluo jokes with a fake scowl on his face. 

Eld gives Levi’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll cover for you at work. So you take as long as you need.”

It seems he was overly blessed to be surrounded by kind people.

*

According to his coworkers, it’s important to talk to a coma patient. It encourages them to wake up when they hear a familiar voice or whatever. So whenever there aren’t any other visitors, Levi talks to Eren. 

At first, it’s about their living situation. Levi mentions another cat that caught his eyes that he doesn’t mind adopting. He tries to entice Eren with pictures of said cat. But as of now, Eren’s eyes remain firmly closed.

So Levi starts to talk about other things. Mindless things. Things like how Levi likes cleaning with Eren. Like how at first, Eren couldn’t match Levi’s cleaning preference in their previous life. But in this life, Eren was able to do so on their first clean together. Like how Levi’s preference of how his tea is brewed changes with how Eren brews it. In their previous life, tea leaf was precious and they couldn’t make it as rich or as strong as Eren makes tea now.

Their every day life is fraught with connection back to their previous life. Levi has always had an inkling of a feeling of it. But it’s not until he starts laying them out like this that he realizes just how much of their life now is shaped by it. 

The dream he had while in his own coma bothers him. 

If neither of them remembered their previous life, is that really how things would have played out? Levi, a creepy janitor who stalks a high school boy? 

He really hates the thought.

But he supposes that most people looking in would think the same of Levi’s current situation with Eren, too. Without this thread of the past that binds them, just what exactly would they have been to each other?

Levi dreads finding out.

*

“Ugh. You’re here again,” Levi grumbles when Zeke walks into Eren’s room.

“You,” Zeke acknowledges. 

He then walks to Eren’s bedside and replaces the flowers in the vase with his newest bouquet of brightly colored flowers. Then he turns to Eren with the gentlest smile that makes Levi want to scratch his eyes out.

Levi looks away to give them a semblance of privacy. Well, that’s what he says, but in actuality, he just doesn’t want to see Zeke act all cosy with Eren. Yes, he understand that they’re brothers that actually had a chance to grow up as a family. But Levi’s heart is still filled with hate for what that damned monkey did.

Once Zeke finishes fussing over Eren, he dares to turn his serious eyes towards Levi.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” he says.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

But as always, the damned monkey doesn’t listen to him.

“It seems all you Ackermans remember the past life from birth. But that’s not the case for the rest of us. For us titan shifters, especially, we only remember that past life during the duration of when we were a shifter.”

… Huh?

“Eren and I are both approaching that time when we will stop remembering that life. So before I forget completely, I believe it’s only right that I tell you that what happened back then was horrific. The things that I did and the things that you did were both wrong. But at the time, it was the only way for us to survive. So please understand that when I say I’m sorry, that’s not what I’m referring to. I will not apologize for what had to be done. Otherwise, it’ll be an insult to the people who died so tragically. But I will apologize for your beloved ones that you lost because of me. That is all.”

“Wait, no. Go back. What’s this about losing your memory? What… What’ll happen then? If Eren doesn’t remember me, then the very foundation of my relationship will…”

Zeke’s expression is cold. “So? Frankly, you disgust me. I had no choice in what I had to do. But you delight in small tortures. If I could, I’ll get Eren as far away from you as I can. But as long as he remembers, he won’t let anyone from his previous life go. You’ve probably noticed that. But once that’s gone? If your relationship is something so fragile that it’ll disappear the minute he forgets, then clearly it’s not something worth cultivating.”

Levi doesn’t know how to respond to that. Hell, he’s still reeling from what Zeke said about Eren’s memory. Five years after Eren’s graduation. That’s what he was supposed to have. But here’s Zeke, saying that there won’t even be five years. Before Eren even graduates, Eren would have forgotten…

_ “Levi, I have something I want to tell you.” _

Is that what you wanted to say, Eren? That you were going to forget. That you were going to…

Levi doesn’t even notice Zeke leaving.

*

Levi knows he can’t take any more days off, so he reluctantly returns to work. Time moves slowly. His entire body feels sluggish at times. 

A part of him feels impatient. 

They’re wasting time. They’re wasting the precious few seconds Eren has before he’ll forget about Levi. So please, if Eren would just wake up, Levi would-

The phone call comes in the middle of a meeting. Levi excuses himself saying that it’s from the hospital. And after his phone call, he takes the rest of the day off and runs as fast as he can to Eren’s side.

Nearly two weeks after the car crash, Eren wakes up.

*

“Uh… Who are you?” Eren asks with a sheepish smile when he sees Levi.

Levi finds himself freezing. He tries to open his mouth to explain but no sound leaves. His mind is spinning. What should he say? How is he supposed to explain? Isn’t he supposed to have bit more time? He-

“… Sorry. I guess that wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be… Huh? Levi? I-if you hold me like that, I-I can’t… b-breath!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He’ll forget. 
> 
> In just a matter of years, Eren will forget everything of that life. Of the horrors that they’ve seen, of the tragedies they’ve faced, of the sweet kisses they’ve salvaged. When that happens, will Eren still grin at Levi as he always does? Will he still mischievously smile before leaving a kiss mark on Levi’s neck the morning of an important meeting? 
> 
> Or…
> 
> The thought of Eren’s disgusted expression comes to mind.
> 
> Levi stares blankly at the computer screen at work for a second longer. Then he opens a new document. 
> 
> From the beginning and as truthfully as he remembers, he begins to write. The eyes of a beast that stared back from the other side of bars. The terrifying expression on that young boy’s face as he spoke of extermination. How Levi became captivated in that second.
> 
> It takes him months. Months to find time to gather his thoughts and memories to write as truthfully as he can. During downtime at work, when Eren isn’t around or asleep, or when he’s commuting. He’s always writing.
> 
> His account. The story of the Captain Levi, Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. 
> 
> And once the last word has been typed up and the mocking “End” stares back at him, he finds himself frozen for a second.
> 
> Then with a wry smile, he deletes everything.
> 
> There, he thinks. The memories of his own past, gone like a twenty-page report on the night it’s due.
> 
> When Eren forgets, he’ll forget it, too.


	7. Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe, just maybe, things just might work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to the lovely [tetsuyacchi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsuyacchi/pseuds/tetsuyacchi) and [merelofficial](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merelofficial/pseuds/merelofficial) for reading this silly work of mine and letting me know that you've enjoyed it. I can only imagine the disappointment you must feel when you got to this chapter. If it's any consolation, don't worry. I'll never do this again. lol. 
> 
> Warning: Crappy smut.

“Congratulations on your marriage, Franz!” Eren laughs as he smacks his friend’s back.

Franz dips his head shyly but is unable to fight off that grin on his face. “It’s all thanks to you, really.”

“Eh? Me? I didn’t do anything…?”

“Because you told me to run after her. And if I hadn’t done that, we would’ve parted on really bad terms. But because we were able to talk and yell it out, we are now able to get married.”

Eren makes a face. “No matter how you look at it, it’s because you two wanted to make it work, you know? I’m just a convenient excuse.”

It catches him off-guard to see Franz look so shocked at those words. 

“Eh? Really? But in that moment in time, we were ready to break up. I… couldn’t even imagine a day like today coming. But you were so certain that we’d be be happy. It really encouraged me.”

“Yeah,” Eren says, rolling his eyes. “You guys wanted to make it work. If it wasn’t me, there would have been someone or something else that would’ve pushed you two to talk. You guys are just that kind of people.”

Liar. Liar. Liar.

No matter how much he wants to wrap it up in a nice, neat bow, the truth of the matter is far more sinister. He forced these two to get together for his own sense of accomplishment and purpose. They had no desire to get to know each other, but Eren needed them to be together. He needed them to be happy together. Because if they are, then that’s one less burden from the past that he recalls.

Isn't it pathetic? Isn't it horrid?

He's never learned anything from the past. He's still repeating the same mistakes as before. 

Selfishly, he's forcing everyone to play the role he expects of them. He's refusing to let them be. Be like who you were in a world when you were traumatized. Pretend that this peaceful world isn't different. Be the exact same person as you were back then. Suffer with him in his guilt and pain of everything that happened. 

Why the hell should everyone else be happy when he can't move on?

He’s been looking forward to it.

Forgetting his previous life. Starting over as a blank slate. Living as who he should be and not as an extension of someone from a time that required… a different state of mind, shall we say?

Something that will stop him from wanting to push Bertolt down the stairs every time he sees the guy. Something that will stop him from guilting Reiner into buying him meals, just because. Something that will stop him from locking Annie randomly in the kickboxing gym's locker room. Something that will stop him from flinching away from Mikasa and Armin at times when they look a bit _ too _ much like how they used to be or when they talk a little too similar to how they used to be. Something that will stop him from hurling himself off the roof for all the things that happened, all the things he has never been able to forgive himself for.

It’s suffocating, living like this. It’s suffocating, feeling like this. It’s suffocating, remembering this.

So he’s been looking forward to it.

Forget it all.

Stop trying to make things that couldn’t happen in that life happen here. Stop connecting this life back.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Just let him breath.

*

“Did you and Armin fight?” Jean asks. 

They’re by the food table instead of dancing like everyone else at the wedding. Eren, because he got tired of people and are hiding here. Jean, because he’s… he’s probably worried about Eren, huh?

Damned jerk. Always being such a stupidly good guy, even when Eren wants to be alone.

But this is probably his own damned fault. He should have let Jean go when he had the chance. And he did. He had plenty of times and chances to force Jean away from his side forever and ever. But he refused to take any of them. Because, at the end of the day, Eren is comforted by the presence of the former 104th Training Squad members, even if only a handful of them still remembers the past. 

“Yeah,” Eren says.

It's not really a fight. It's just a difference in opinion. And they just happened to talk about it with voices raised. The fact that Armin isn't here right now next to Eren by the food table is not a reflection of a fight. It just means that Armin wanted to dance and Eren didn't. That's what it means.

Armin thinks that before Eren forgets completely, he should make amends to what happened in their previous life. Things like going around and apologizing. Things like thanking those who sided with him. Things like getting rid of the anger at those who stood against him. But Eren thinks that's stupid. Why should he bother doing that to people who didn't live that life, who didn't even remember it? All that's doing is selfishly tying them back down to the past that they no loner have to be a part of.

That he no longer has to be caged by.

Why can't Armin just understand that for Eren, forgetting these memories is freedom?

He wants to live this life. Without the shadows of his former life looming overhead and demanding certain things, he wants to enjoy being this world's peaceful Eren Jaeger. He wants to be the childhood best friend of Jean. He wants to be Annie's sparring partner. He wants to be Bertolt's and Reiner's gaming buddy. He wants to let Mikasa and Armin go from his side so they don't have to constantly be reminded of what they had to do, what he did. He wants to be a normal person of this world without any thoughts of titans and age old grudges to tie him down. 

Jean stares at him for a second longer before sighing. “Your lover couldn’t make it?”

And there lies the problem.

The problem with forgetting everything. The problem with becoming free from the past. 

Levi.

“I didn’t ask him to come.”

“What? Too embarrassed to show off an old guy to your friends?” Jean snorts. “Jeesh, way to be cold. That guy was by your hospital bedside for as long as he could.”

“That’s why.”

Jean makes a face. “Your thinking’s too complicated. He likes you. You like him. Who cares about anything else?”

There’s a lot to think about.

Eren thought he saw Levi's back in passing and followed him to his work place one day back when he was in high school. Although he didn't build up the courage to talk to Levi, he managed to get himself Levi's business card. And that would've been it. That would've been the end of it all. If Eren didn't get arrested two weeks later for something really stupid and in hopes of not getting in trouble with his family, he gave Levi's contact information as his guardian to call.

He thought that Levi wouldn't remember. He thought that this would end with Levi being annoyed at him and the two never meeting up again. He thought that he was taking steps for the two to never be able to get as close as they used to be.

But Levi remembered.

If he hadn't, he would've just left. If he hadn't, he would've been angry. If he hadn't, he wouldn't have looked twice in Eren's direction. He would never have felt the need to take care of Eren. Never would've invited him to live together. 

Never would've made Eren so damned happy to have remembered the past.

To be caged.

To be chained up.

To be stuck repeating the same mistakes of their previous life. 

It's a contradiction. 

Eren Jaeger of the previous life fought for freedom. In order to protect that freedom (and those he loves), he had to throw away a lot. He had to hurt a lot. He had to kill a lot more. But that very Eren Jaeger found himself happy in this little cage he found himself in.

Worse still, he became completely satisfied that he got to keep Levi chained to him.

But when the time comes for him to forget, that connection will disappear. The obligation for Levi has for Eren should have ended years ago, but he indulges Eren by being by his side now. So when Eren forgets, isn't it only right for him to let Levi go?

Give Levi his freedom back.

“I’m moving out,” he admits.

Jean laughs and shakes his head. But when he realizes that Eren isn’t joking, the smile on his face falls.

“Why? W-where are you going to go? You couldn't have mentioned this earlier? I was planning on taking someone form here home with me. Damn it. Fine. I'll take you-"

“I’ll stay with Reiner for a bit. That’s the last place he’ll check.”

Jean puts his plate of food down to grab Eren by the shoulders. “You dumbass. What the hell are you saying? Don’t purposefully go out of your way to create drama. Did you even talk to him about this?”

“I left him a note. And if all else fails, Mikasa will explain it to him.”

“The hell are you dragging her into your problem for? Instead of dragging others into it, just face him."

Eren can't. 

Because the minute he sees Levi's face, he will get greedy. He will trap Levi with him, even if there's no memories of the past. The future that he saw terrified him. He's going to forget everything but he's still going to give Levi a wedding band?

How more disgustingly selfish is he going to get?

He can't. He can't.

Not to Levi.

“Are you that worried for me, Jean? How cute.”

It does exactly as he expected. Jean reels back, an embarrassed flush on his cheeks. And now to seal the deal, Eren needs to say something firm enough that Jean won’t try to get involved in. It's the one thing Eren always hated about Jean. Just how much he pretended that he didn't care, only to throw himself in head-first to be one of the first people to help. Whether it's this life or the previous one, Jean never seems to change.

“If, after everything, Levi decides that he still wants me, then we’ll work something out. Until then, I think we should both enjoy our freedom.”

Jean looks unhappy, but he lets Eren be.

Foolishly, Eren believes this to be his victory.

*

“… I thought you were enjoying your freedom,” Levi says, crossing his arms in front of himself.

Eren feels his cheeks burn. He thought he’d have something more creative to say back, but he finds himself at a loss for words. He doesn’t know what’s worse, the fact that he found himself back at their apartment… at Levi’s apartment the night after he ran away or the fact that he can’t think of a single thing to defend himself with.

“I thought you didn’t want to be ‘caged’ by our previous life. And that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with a wrinkly old and horribly short man like me.”

The last part was probably something that Mikasa said. That knowledge doesn’t ease Eren’s embarrassment.

“T-that’s not… I didn’t say that.”

Levi doesn’t let up. “Weren’t you going to stay with your precious Reiner and start a new life?”

… Actually, it’s starting to sound like Levi talked to Jean and not Mikasa. After all, Eren told Mikasa that he was planning on staying with Armin. But just how did Jean get Levi's contact information…? Oh. That’s right. Didn’t Eren give Jean Levi’s number for that dumb report back when Zeke first visited the apartment? Shoot. To think that would come back to bite him in the butt like this…!

“Don’t you think that our life right now has too much basis in our previous one? So much of who we are right now depends on what we used to be like. It feels like we cannot exist without that previous connection,” Eren begins.

There’s a look on Levi’s face like something clicked for him. Eren hopes that this means he doesn’t have to voice all of his thoughts out loud.

“Were you trying to ‘free’ yourself from our past?” Levi asks.

Good. He got it.

Now comes the hard part.

"Moreover, I wanted to free you from me."

He’s not too sure what he expected. Maybe for Levi to roll his eyes and dismiss his worries? Maybe for Levi to laugh at him for being so childish? Maybe for Levi to smack him lightly for running off instead of talking it out?

He doesn’t expect Levi to sigh heavily and rub his temples. He doesn’t expect for Levi to give him a look that seems much too fond, much too exasperated. 

“How did we manage to take the same worry and go the opposite direction from each other? I always believed your need for freedom will take you away because you got tired of being caged by me. But you were worried that you were the one caging me."

Eren nods. "Because I am. The you of this world would never have looked twice in my direction if I hadn't called you from the station. There was absolutely no reason for us to meet if we didn't create that chance ourselves and-"

"But that's how it always is," Levi says, surprisingly gentle. "It doesn't matter whether we remember the past or not. In order to meet someone, to connect with someone, to be with someone, you have to take a step forward. That's what you thought me. Eren, if you hadn't called from that station, I would've found an excuse why we should meet. Because just two days before you called me from the station, I was trying to bribe your high school into giving me your information."

That speech just now would've been really cool if Levi didn't mention that last bit.

"And if you're still worried about being caged by our previous life, then I have some news for you. Adopting a cat together in this apartment is something that has nothing to do with our previous life. That’s something that’s purely us. The us of right now. Remember that time when we decided to go to the aquarium for a date and ended up lost in the mountains for the next three days? That’s us, too. Spending time together at that cafe we love, watching movies together, and just enjoying the peace of this life. Our beginnings may have started with our previous life, but we still have many things in this life that we've created together."

He’s… never thought about it like that. 

Their basis is their previous life. Without it, they wouldn't have connected like they did. But he was so caught up in the thought that every little thing he did, every little thing he said, everything he felt were all just leftovers from the past.

But that's not true either.

There's things that he can react to in this life because he grew up here. The reason why he feels so comfortable with Jean is because they grew up as next door neighbors since they were babies. The reason why he loves taking in stray animals is because Carla and Zeke both taught him the importance of life. The reason why he can be so in love with Levi is because he no longer has to focus on fixing the rest of the world first.

He has time to spend peaceful days with Levi.

That's them. In this life. 

The very thing that he wanted, it turns out, has been here from the very beginning. 

“Oh,” he finds himself saying.

Levi shakes his head. "Even if you do something like run away until you forget your previous life, the memories of what you did in this life won't disappear. Or did you forget that, too? How we met here, how close we got, how we live together… All of that will still be with you. Or are you telling me that you'll get into another accident to forget all of that, too?"

Although he's being scolded, Eren finds himself feeling glad.

Because, at the end of the day, Levi has put in that much thought into this as Eren did. This is something that they've both worried over.

It makes him childishly giddy to know that they have this as another point of connection.

"Levi, I love you."

“I’m still mad about the whole thing,” Levi warns.

Eren nods. “I can think of a few things to make up for it.”

Levi’s eyes shine in a familiar way, but he pretends to think about it. But Eren’s pretty sure that he’s won this.

*

Levi's fingers are cold with lube. And even though they've done this a thousand and one times, Eren feels that he can't quite get used to the initial contact. 

"Sorry. Feeling impatient," Levi warns.

Eren nods against his pillow. "'M fine. Go for it."

He feels Levi press a light kiss against his hair. Then all his attention is stolen away by Levi's fingers working him loose. He doesn't think all this prep is necessary, but this is just another "proper" part of Levi that's purely of this world. Eren marvels at the fact that he now has words to describe it.

Levi presses in, moving slowly enough to make sure that Eren wouldn't be hurt. For an impatient guy, he's being so damned classy today. Eren would be swooning if he wasn't too busy stifling his moans. It feels really good today. He wonders if this is what people mean by "make up sex." Probably not, right? It's not like they fought.

Feeling impatient, as it turns, means that Levi isn't going to warn him before moving. It surprises him more than hurts him, which Levi probably knew. He knows that Levi won't dish out more than he can't handle. And with how long they've been together, they know exactly how much is too much. This familiarity won't go away even if his memories does, will it?

There's a sharp pain in his shoulder, snapping out of his thoughts. Levi meets eyes with Eren. Angrily biting, Eren thinks, for ignoring him a little? Which one of them is supposed to be the childish one?

Before Eren can say anything, Levi finds _that _spot. 

Pleasure threatens to blind him. He grips his pillow tightly, trying to catch his breath. But Levi seems to have zero plans on letting him relax. Levi sets an unrelenting pace, hitting that spot again and again. Eren finds himself buried in his pillow, ass up defenseless against Levi's ruthless pounding. He thinks he might be babbling. He thinks his body might be spasming from the pleasure. He thinks he might be losing his mind, because he can't focus on anything but clutching tightly to his pillow.

He thinks that's Levi's hands around his cock, matching the pace. He thinks that might be drool on his pillow. He thinks this might be too much - might be just enough. He feels so comfortably content. Like there's nothing in the world better than this. And isn't that hilarious? He's already feeling so high and he hasn't even cummed yet.

"I… I want… t-to face you," Eren manages out.

To be honest, he has no idea how Levi understood his words. But Levi turns him around between thrusts and greedily accepts Eren's kisses as his payment. 

This pool of pleasure in Eren's stomach is something that Levi feels, too, right? 

Because they cum, seconds apart, clutching each other like lifelines.

*

"There's something I've been thinking about a lot," Eren admits to Levi's sleeping form. "After I graduate and get a job, won't you please marry me?"

The only answer is the soft snore of his sleeping lover. But Eren finds that he doesn't mind it at all.

He plays with Levi's hair, making sure to twist the strands together so that they'd knot later. Petty revenge, if you will. 

"The next time I ask that, I expect you to answer me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The answer, of course, is yes.
> 
> Levi doesn't get why Eren looks so nervous for. They've more or less lived together for the past few years. Doesn't that mean that they're married? Or perhaps Eren wanted the fanfares and celebration that comes with a marriage? That's fine. Levi has more than enough in savings for an extravagant party if that's what Eren wants. Should he rent an island?
> 
> "W-well, no, not exactly. I just… thought that it'll be harder?"
> 
> "The only thing hard is going to be me convincing your family to let me have you," Levi says. "But seeing that they've left you in my care for this long as it is, I think they're fine with us."
> 
> Eren covers his face. "I was nervous for no reason, huh?"
> 
> "It was cute."
> 
> "Don't try to console me!" Eren protests, lightly smacking Levi's arm.
> 
> "I like it when you're stuttering and blushing-"
> 
> Eren covers his own ears and yells, "I can't hear you! Lalala! I can't hear you!"
> 
> See, Levi wants to say as he laughs. Memory or not, they're fine.
> 
> Fin.


End file.
